Squatters ruin it for Sitters

I've been having a lot of bathroom thoughts as of late.

There is NOTHING I hate more than to go into a bathroom stall that looks relatively clean, drop my drawers (jeans, tights, leggings...skirt...whatever) and take a seat only to find myself seconds later cringing at the fact that I am now sitting in someones pee and/or splashed toilet bowl water. To be honest, I'm not sure which of those is worse.

A little drop of water I understand. But it's those days when the WHOLE damn toilet seat is COVERED with whatever looming liquid that I begin to suspect it is the workings of none other than a squatter.

Personally, I am a sitter. I'm a high danger squatter... but primarily a sitter. For those of you who don't know, "high danger squatter" means that only in the worst, dirtiest, scariest, darkest, "townie" bathrooms will I give in to the terrible experience of squatting. To squat means to engage thigh muscles I don't typically use, hold on to whatever is nearest, and hover over the toilet seat hoping that you don't piss the floor and praying that it is going to be a quick pee... and discovering that you never really knew how long you took to pee until you stood awkwardly shaking over a toilet bowl, trying to "aim," relieving yourself.

I just don't see the point of squatting over a perfectly clean toilet at my work in a building that I am at every day. Besides, I don't remember the last time I heard of someone's upper thighs giving off or receiving any STDs or infections. I'm pretty sure it isn't a place where most people sweat, bleed or do anything else that would be gross to share. The only crime an upper-back-thigh commits is cellulite. Last time I checked, that isn't contagious.

So for all you squatters out there... think about your fellow sitters. My only solution is that we respect our kind and leave the seat ready for the next user.

And yet... if we were men, this point would be moot... but would we really want to pee into urinals?

I hate when my hair smells like an everything bagel

Yesterday, I decided to dye my hair. Like full on, single process with foils, change every color in my hair.

I was coaxed into a bad hair decision not too long ago that left me with bleach blonde highlights on my dark brown hair... which just looked wrong. So I then got a glaze to soften the harsh contrast of day and night which lived on my head. So I guess once you dye... you just have to keep going. Like the energizer bunny... or pringles.

Prior to hell hair, I had a full head of natural dark brown hair. I'm pretty sure every bad hair decision is made over a guy. Either to please him or after a break up when you just "need a new look to make a new start." Alas - the hair decision I made yesterday was fully my own, with no male influence except the opinion of my best guy friend.

I opted for a single process of a richer brown than my current natural color with deep red highlights. The catch was that I was going to a beauty school because I just moved and have no money and can't afford the ridiculous ca$h required to go to a nice salon. or just any salon period.

To be honest, she did a fantastic job. It took 4 hours, but it looks great. I'm very pleased.

When she was washing my hair, she was giving me instructions on how to care for red hair. Apparently red is the color that fades the most because of the size of the molecules in the dye... or something. She then asked how often I wash my hair. Every day. (or every other... but I don't like people to know that sometimes I don't shower every day, so I lie). She frowned.

"You should go as long as you can without washing your hair. It's really bad for your hair, especially colored hair, to wash it every day. You can wet it and rinse it, but don't use shampoo."

Personally, I have an issue getting my hair wet... or getting in the shower period, and not washing it. I feel like I'm cheating my hair.

But I do want the color to last longer. But I just like my hair to smell amazing. The thought of my hair being taken to work. On the Subway. Into restaurtants, bodegas, subway sandwiches... taxi cabs... and smelling like all of that instead of my delicious Biolage Moisture Lock scented tresses.... well... that just won't do.

I wonder if they make hair perfume?

P is for Philanthropist

Working as a personal assistant, I spend a good amount of my time on the phone. I'm speaking with clients, travel agents, hotels, restaurants..etc.. which means that I must have a professional phone demeanor. I typically am a smooth talker aside from the handful of messages I have left that end in disaster (i.e. half way through I forget what I was trying to say, or use a word that I am not quite sure is correct, leaving me both stunned that I used the word and fearful that I sound like a wannabe... so I then end in a closing line that goes something like: "So... if you could call me back... um... soo.. yeah."). 

The one thing that trips me up is spelling... but not in the way you'd think. I can spell very well, it's when letters sound the same and the person on the other end of the line asks to clarify which letter I mean. B or D? P or T? 

Lets say I am trying to spell the name Priscilla. Any normal person would do:

P as in Pat

R as in Ray

I as in In

S as in Sun

C as in Cat

I as in In

L 

L

A as in Apple

For me... I have such a hard time (I even had a hard time coming up with the above list) that I end up doing something like this:

P .....as in Philanthropist

R as in Radiant

I as in ... Intermediate

S as in Sanctuary

C... as in... C..Corporate

I as in.. Intermediate

L as in L..

L

A.. Agressive

So much thinking. So much over thinking.

I guess that's why we have email....